What I Listen To When We Fight

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Picture Pages

Accuracy, Birthday Edition

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): Wave farewell to your old self, Sagittarius. Maybe blow a few kisses as well. But don't linger too long. Refuse to get bogged down in ambiguous rituals filled with interminable goodbyes and meticulous inventories of the past. It's time to go! Off with you! You've got urgent appointments with the unsettling but fascinating future, and it's best to part ways with habits that have dulled your initiative and comforts that have numbed your courage. You're ready for more change than you think you're capable of.
via free will astrology

ahem

Lala laala la laaaa, lala laala la laaaa, lala laaala laa laa laaaa....

Surprises

Joy at work, a phenomenally happy person in the best sense of the word, invites me to her 10:00p.m. post-Thanksgiving dinner. She promises cake if I show up. I hem and haw a bit, aware that my new tummy hasn't exactly forgotten the taste of sugar and might snap and wantonly eat all partygoers within arm's reach if tempted. Over the next few days, Joy reminds me of her party and repeatedly tells me how much she wants me there. I smile, because (here's the secret truth) I always feel like my reputation for being witty, or cute, or funny or whatever can't live up to such scrutinization. Sure, you may find me funny when you see me for a maximum of 30 minutes a day; who doesn't have at least a half hour of funny quips in them?

Tonight I got into my pajamas, I sat down to watch ancient reruns of Friends that tire me more than anything else, and I putted around the house aimlessly. I should be cooking dressing, or preparing things for tomorrow; I could be washing dishes, or mopping the floors. It's 9:51. Why not go to Joy's party?

So I go and of course, have a nice time. The spontaneous generosity in the world has truly begun to amaze me. I am, so granted and so consciously, a pretty self-involved person -- to make contact with these people that want to reach out and treat others (me!) to lunch or make cakes from the goodness of the heart just doesn't make a lot of sense. I hit this wall during the party when I began to watch Joy and I realized that I've lost a lot of that spirit, if I ever did have it. When did I get so "every man for themselves?" I didn't think that I had gotten so hard or so callous to the everyday kindness of the world, which can be a bit of a brutal realization to make. So, lost in introspective thought, I don't suppose I was the wittiest, or funniest, or whateverest of the guests there. I had nice conversations with the people next to me, I ate some brownies and smiled at jokes, I laughed when they were good. It was nice, and I was happy, and that was the biggest and best birthday surprise of all.

RiPod

At approximately 12:32 a.m. on the evening of November 24th, 2005, iPedro passed away. This comes after an extended battle with Lowbatteria and a brief but extremely painful bout of NotConnectusComputerus. Funeral services were held this morning. He is survived by his headphones, his dock, and his battery charger.

May 2004 - November 2005

Thanks Giving

It's hard to celebrate a national holiday when you're not in the right nation. That said, I guess I did as well as could be expected. I spent some time today in the American Store browsing their wares, pretending I knew exactly what I needed for the Thanksgiving extravaganza on Sunday. I surreptitiously checked my grocery list when I thought no one was looking. After returning from the store with pumpkin, yams, and other assorted American-ness, I showered and got ready for work. To give myself the illusion of being on holiday I did as little work as possible, opting to show an old Thanksgiving episode of Friends rather than actually communicate language to the students. The episode unfortunately featured a lot of football vocabulary, and I cringed inside when students asked what a "down" was. I hesitated for a moment before telling them it was a section of the game. Yeah, I have no idea what that means either. After class, I passed up dinner with a co-worker or two in favor of a nice meal with Cathy at our favorite near-the-house restaurant, which felt more thanksgivingy than anything else. My family called during the meal and I got to listen to Baby babbling for a while. Not for the first time, I wished I was somewhere else, somewhere better; but you know, sometimes it's okay when the wish isn't granted.