I've got plenty to say and not enough time to get it all out. I was struck down last week by a mutant virus given to me by the BABY, of all people, and was bedridden and dying for days on end. While that doesn't adequately explain a month-long silence, just feel sorry for me. And watch out for those 15-pound caucasian baby viruses out there.
In the meantime, think about me moving to New York in a week. Here's a little McSweeney's to get you going.
Responses to People on the 6 Train That
Hopefully Convey My Feelings in a Polite Way.
BY LEIGHTON DAVIS
Thank you for so gently cupping my ass when we came to a stop.
Clipping your fingernails is such a good use of time.
You partially sitting on my lap makes me feel like we are good friends.
That was wise of you to get onto the subway before that elderly woman was able to get off.
Would it be easier to stare at my breasts if I turned a little to the left?
