What I Listen To When We Fight

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and they snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Picture Pages

Accuracy, Birthday Edition

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22–Dec. 21): Wave farewell to your old self, Sagittarius. Maybe blow a few kisses as well. But don't linger too long. Refuse to get bogged down in ambiguous rituals filled with interminable goodbyes and meticulous inventories of the past. It's time to go! Off with you! You've got urgent appointments with the unsettling but fascinating future, and it's best to part ways with habits that have dulled your initiative and comforts that have numbed your courage. You're ready for more change than you think you're capable of.
via free will astrology

ahem

Lala laala la laaaa, lala laala la laaaa, lala laaala laa laa laaaa....

Surprises

Joy at work, a phenomenally happy person in the best sense of the word, invites me to her 10:00p.m. post-Thanksgiving dinner. She promises cake if I show up. I hem and haw a bit, aware that my new tummy hasn't exactly forgotten the taste of sugar and might snap and wantonly eat all partygoers within arm's reach if tempted. Over the next few days, Joy reminds me of her party and repeatedly tells me how much she wants me there. I smile, because (here's the secret truth) I always feel like my reputation for being witty, or cute, or funny or whatever can't live up to such scrutinization. Sure, you may find me funny when you see me for a maximum of 30 minutes a day; who doesn't have at least a half hour of funny quips in them?

Tonight I got into my pajamas, I sat down to watch ancient reruns of Friends that tire me more than anything else, and I putted around the house aimlessly. I should be cooking dressing, or preparing things for tomorrow; I could be washing dishes, or mopping the floors. It's 9:51. Why not go to Joy's party?

So I go and of course, have a nice time. The spontaneous generosity in the world has truly begun to amaze me. I am, so granted and so consciously, a pretty self-involved person -- to make contact with these people that want to reach out and treat others (me!) to lunch or make cakes from the goodness of the heart just doesn't make a lot of sense. I hit this wall during the party when I began to watch Joy and I realized that I've lost a lot of that spirit, if I ever did have it. When did I get so "every man for themselves?" I didn't think that I had gotten so hard or so callous to the everyday kindness of the world, which can be a bit of a brutal realization to make. So, lost in introspective thought, I don't suppose I was the wittiest, or funniest, or whateverest of the guests there. I had nice conversations with the people next to me, I ate some brownies and smiled at jokes, I laughed when they were good. It was nice, and I was happy, and that was the biggest and best birthday surprise of all.

RiPod

At approximately 12:32 a.m. on the evening of November 24th, 2005, iPedro passed away. This comes after an extended battle with Lowbatteria and a brief but extremely painful bout of NotConnectusComputerus. Funeral services were held this morning. He is survived by his headphones, his dock, and his battery charger.

May 2004 - November 2005

Thanks Giving

It's hard to celebrate a national holiday when you're not in the right nation. That said, I guess I did as well as could be expected. I spent some time today in the American Store browsing their wares, pretending I knew exactly what I needed for the Thanksgiving extravaganza on Sunday. I surreptitiously checked my grocery list when I thought no one was looking. After returning from the store with pumpkin, yams, and other assorted American-ness, I showered and got ready for work. To give myself the illusion of being on holiday I did as little work as possible, opting to show an old Thanksgiving episode of Friends rather than actually communicate language to the students. The episode unfortunately featured a lot of football vocabulary, and I cringed inside when students asked what a "down" was. I hesitated for a moment before telling them it was a section of the game. Yeah, I have no idea what that means either. After class, I passed up dinner with a co-worker or two in favor of a nice meal with Cathy at our favorite near-the-house restaurant, which felt more thanksgivingy than anything else. My family called during the meal and I got to listen to Baby babbling for a while. Not for the first time, I wished I was somewhere else, somewhere better; but you know, sometimes it's okay when the wish isn't granted.

No, You're Not Invited

Preparations are under way for this year's thanks giving bash. Well, less a bash and more like a bish. Think wine-sipping, party favors and games.

Isn't it amazing when the realization of all of your geekiness hits you with such force that you can barely stand it?

Eeeew.

And they're phasing out Diet Vanilla Coke because people don't like the flavor?

Please visit Jones Soda, look deep into yourself and ask if you would really be willing to try Brussel Sprout with Prosciutto Flavored Soda. Because I think the answer might be no.

MiniMe

Monday and Tuesday I attended some lectures on the contemporary novel, film theory, and other assorted stuff that I dig. I got to meet my two favorite theorists and idols, and like any star-gazing fan got as tongue-tied as possible and quite probably sounded more ridiculous than I remember. Since it was the middle of the day, I was one of five people there; as such, there was a lot of face time with my theorists. I was happy when they confirmed that NYU was a credible if not very prestigious choice to make for the doctorate. I kept smiling whenever they turned to me or directed a word my way, which might have freaked them out a little - or maybe it was all the personal information I knew about them that was more likely to freak them out? Whatever the case, I put on my pretty face, batted lashes, pouted, whatever it would take to get them to remember this face.

At one point, taking the train back into town with the theorists and the coordinator of the conference, I revealed that I had been taking Catalan. I didn't mention that it was because of Brad Eppes, the man who happened to be sitting next to me, that I had ever even considered studying Catalan. The coordinator of the conference laughed, looked at Brad and said, "We've got a little Brad here!" I blushed and took some serious mental notes for my resumé. Mini Brad Eppes, 2005-Present. After that, the guys started joking with me: "Remember us when you're famous!" "Don't forget the little people!" There is the smallest possible change that I died right there and the rest of my life will be lived in the shadow of that proud moment.

All in all, it was a fascinating experience. It's truly mind-blowing to meet people who you have these preconceived notions of, especially semi-famous ones. You know, it's one thing to read these intense, intellectual books about the current state of gender in Spain and identity politics, it's another thing for your favorite theorist to sheepishly admit that his favorite movie is Mary Poppins. What do you do with that information?

Blog the hell out of it.

My Inner Dialogue at the Cake Concert

I wish the world had a volume knob.

Did he just say "Satan is my motor"?

Where did everyone I know go?

Stop blowing marijuana smoke on me. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

The lead singer's a jerk.

Are those guys making out over there?

Oh, I know this song!

I'm totally making a list of things I'm thinking. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Am I going to get a contact high from all this marijuana smoke?

What does a contact high feel like?

Man, this song goes on forever.

Am I high?

Those guys are still making out!

Why did he just say "You guys must eat a lot of protein"?

I shouldn't have had that tortilla for dinner.

Man, I wish I was high. Then this concert wouldn't blow so much.

Sitting Next To Your Theorist Idol

Freaking out. You keep twitching because you're so nervous and can't think of anything intelligent to say. He looks away, just as nervous, because you have already frightened him with how much you know about his life. He thinks you're a stalker and now you're scaring him.

Ugh.

This Is Ridiculous

On a Cute Scale of one to ten, one being not-so-much and ten being syrupy sweet, these babies have hit an unheard of 15. IT'S THAT EARHSHATTERINGLY CUTE.
And New Baby is seven times darker than her cousin. Viva Puerto Rico!

Apocalypse Now

If the morning view from my balcony is any indication, I think the world's going to end today.

Ways To Celebrate The Birth of Baby #2

Get a full night's sleep. You deserve it.

Call the family a record four times during the day, beginning at 5:00 a.m. and continuing until you get tired enough to go to bed.

Laugh at your father, who got bored while waiting for the baby and decided to run some errands.

Laugh at your mother, who says that the baby got the famous family nose from your brother. Where do you think we got these noses to begin with?

Look up at the moon and wonder about life, love, and the turning of the world.

Wish you were home to hold her and hug your brother.

Send silent thanks to God that this baby was born a little darker than other recent offspring. Long live the Puerto Rican genes!

Realize that, in a perfect world, you would be next. Get sad for a moment.

Plan Christmas gifts.

Think back to the birth of Baby #1 and how much life has changed.

Drink a Diet Coke in honor of your addict Sister-in-law.

Look at the pictures and try to decide if the baby looks more like a fish or an alien. Decide she's a Fish Alien.

Waiting for Baby #2

So my brother's wife went into the hospital this morning to try to squeeze out my first-ever niece, and is unfortunately still sitting in that hospital bed some 15 hours later. If I know her, she's demanding a Coke at this very moment and harassing the nurses for more painkillers.

SuperMegaCool KidTeen Agent Cody Banks

Et tu, Shania Twain?

Observation

Maybe you didn't find my class interesting. Maybe you were still a little upset that I told that no, you couldn't bring in cookies to class or drink your piping hot tea from a mug. To my credit, I did cave in and let you sip from a more conservative plastic cup and I even let you sit right next to my desk (an odd request from you, really). The students weren't reacting well to the lesson, and surprisingly only one student knew Renee Zellwegger's name. I know, the shock! But perhaps the most shocking moment of my class was when you, my dear fellow teacher come to observe how wonderfully I manage my classes, decided that it was acceptable -- nay, that you had somehow EARNED the right -- to begin to text message your friends and family during the class. And you didn't text on the down low, you put the phone inches from your face and typed out your messages. Here's the slightest hint, observing teacher: um, not a good idea.

Icicles by Patty Griffin

Tonight
I sing soft and low
Just like the moon
Over the snow
I hear icicles falling in the dark
We're just like anyone else
We just want a little bit
Of sun for ourselves
And a little bit of rain
To make it all grow
Maybe a minute or two
To get lost in the glow of love

There's always someone throwing matches around
Waving the shiny new knife
The first to run when the house burns down
I've seen it everyday of my life
I must confess there appears to be
Way more darkness than light
I want to fall like a pearl
To the bottom of the sea
There no one will find us tonight

Tonight
It might look pretty bad
We might lose everything
We thought that we had
But shadows will pass
Smoke, it will clear
If something survives of us around here
I'll be glad 'cause I know
I was lost in the glow
Of love