An Open Letter To The Evil Geniuses At FedEX & FTD.com

Dear FedEx and FTD.com,

I appreciate you both. Even though I've only recently discovered the magic of sending flowers through FTD.com (forgive me when I confess that I'm not a flower person, FTD!), I've been well-acquainted with FedEx and its little brown minions tirelessly delivering my packages. You guys are great.

Therefore, I must admit surprise and a little bit of sadness at your recent attempts this past weekend to foil my Mother's Day surprise flowers for my mother. You make quite a team, and when you use your powers for good, many are made happier and marriages are salvaged. Unfortunately, this past weekend you were lured to the dark side and conspired together cunningly. Flowers delivered to a public school at 5:00pm on a Friday? Diabolical! Automated replies to my seething emails in which my questions are neither addressed nor answered? Devilish! Together you were like two unstoppable evil geniuses, and I was powerless.

So it was with a thrilling happiness that I learned that my mother received her flowers from the closed FedEx store on Saturday. This surprise was the product of some strange small-town ties that I have yet to fully comprehend. As you may not be aware, FTD.com and FedEx, everyone knows everyone else in small towns. Consequently, before my mother knew about her flowers, several other families did. The generosity of the human spirit, for once, triumphed over your black conglomerate heart.

Your future consumer,
Dean

PS - My mom likes the flowers. High five!