L'examen de Català

brief selections from my catalan oral exam, taken this morning

So, you obviously live in an apartment here in Madrid. What's your ideal house? Where is it?

"Um, yes, yes, my ideal house is in the sea, on the beach, in the beach, on the beach. I like the beach. I like to have a big house. My ideal house has many many rooms. I like big rooms. I would like a kitchen big, a big bath... Everything big!" At this point I extend my arms crazily, trying to dazzle my interviewers with sudden movement. I try to salvage dignity by giving them a little extra. "Near to the city, on the beach, because I am from a small village, I like the city, I like a big place."

You board the plane and find that someone is on your seat. Inform the person of this problem.

"Um, yes. Yes, we, you are in my seat. I have a ticket, this is a ticket, the ticket I have, here. Look." I hold out my hand to an invisible seat-stealer and point to my invisible name, totally buying my own act. "I think you are, no, you are in my seat. I'm sorry. Look. My ticket."