Brokeback Mountain

So many other people have talked about this gay cowboy movie that I don't really have to say much. But if you'd like to find the origin of the madness, the short story is online. It truly is amazing, beautiful, and painfully bittersweet.

Looking Forward

Click on the photos for trailers. Quoting Travis regarding Junebug: "If that were a made-for-tv movie on the gay channel it would totally be our story." I absolutely love my sister to death, and she is totally the girl in the movie. And as far as Brokeback Mountain goes, my fingers are crossed so tightly that they're turning blue.

If I Love Spain

Talking with one of the other teachers, I learn that he's here so that he can drink whenever he wants and not have anyone call him an alcoholic. I suspect this answer was his haha funny-guy way of saying he doesn't know. I kind of expected it when he immediately opens his mouth to turn the question on me, but am surprised with what he asks. "Are you done with Spain?" he fires, memory fresh from our conversation about my leaving in December. Done? I shrug a little inside, and fumble for an answer for a moment. I don't want to be done with Spain, nothing so final and severe sounding. After the hestitation of the moment, I tell him "No, not done. But ready for the rest." I'm still not sure what I mean, or if I am done with a country that shone like a beacon in my heart for so long. I know I'm ready to go home for now, that I would love to be in the Spain that I was in five years ago and not really this one. I love the people, I love the culture, I love so many things about this place, but I haven't loved their convergence to form my year and half. I walked in silence with this beer-swilling semi-friend of mine for a bit. It's never a nice feeling to have such a happy memory lessened by such a vivid, dark reality.

Dislikes

Getting a message with RE: in the subject line. Come on, you can think of something to title your email, right? I'll be the first to admit that I don't always come up with the most creative subject lines, but don't just leave my old title sitting there, bounced right back at me.

A glimpse into my email box:

Travis Barr Re: stud boyfriend musing still? Oct 26
Travis Barr Re: stud boyfriend musing still? Oct 25
Guadalupe Fernández ... RE: hola! Oct 25
thistle_18 Smith RE: baby fat Oct 25
Stefan Bloom Re: hullo Oct 25
Geri Allbritton Re: buenos dias Oct 25
Travis Barr Re: hoooo000000ooooola Oct 25
Mark Gomez RE: hey sporty spice Oct 20


P.S. I'm kinda crazy, huh?

Back From Bilbao

Over the weekend I took a bit of a lightning trip up to Bilbao, in Spain's northern Basque Country. Traveling through the north is always a wonderful experience for me, since living in a big city can make you think everything is concrete and angry drivers sideswiping pedestrians. It's so lush and green up there that you can't help feeling the tiniest sense of awe; and maybe it was my Dramamine high, but I was amazed at how beautiful Spain can be. Obviously, that's when I was awake and not passed out under the influence of heavy meds.

Friend Ginny threw a much milder bash than last year, cooking up entire colonies of king prawns along with chorizo and cheese and crackers and chips and wine and beer and two GIANT-sized steaks for me and the other seafood-allergic person there. I gorged myself on appetizers so that by the time the steak came I had sort of lost my appetite. This worked out for the better, since I was ultimately shamed into cooking my meat medium-rare by all the Spaniards in attendance, who consider it an obscene crime to cook your meat any longer than that. I ate the poor, bloody cow in silence and before long pronounced myself far too full to possibly be able to take another bite.

And alas, and though we joked about it constantly, there was no repeat of last year's highly interesting incident.

Through Another's Eyes

The following is a student description of me. It's kinda touching, although a little weird since the assignment was to describe either yourself or a friend and the student opted to describe his two daughters and Me.

D
He is young, in his twenties, his hair is dark and his eyes too. He is quite tall and I think that he is hard-working because he works during all week, on saturday too. This is more independent than other people with his age.

Never Have I Ever

Been so happy to see my ribs.

An Open Letter To The Forces That Keep Me Awake At Night

Dear Everyone who has any part in the making of the WB hit Supernatural:

I'm gonna just lay this on the table: I'm not very good with scary things. It's this little thing I've had since I was a kid. I definitely watched too much TV and can remember the physical sensations of terror while watching little Carol Ann be drawn into the light or seeing Chucky's face as he held his butcher knife high. I don't process that terrified feeling very well, and as an overweight child I couldn't find a place to hide quick enough and, if I did, I inevitably didn't fit into it. Around this period of impressionable youth, I also remember hearing my house creak and shift at night and being convinced that there were entire gangs of thieves prowling around outside my door. I practiced false sleep-breathing, or pretending I was dead so that the thieves would think their coworkers got there first. I inevitably had to go to the bathroom from such nervous tension, and I would walk through the halls with my eyes half-lidded, pretending to be so sleepy I couldn't possibly notice the man in the ski mask standing next to me. Yes, Everyone Who Has A Part In The Making Of Supernatural, I was a dramatic child.

So your show is definitely creepy. Or beyond creepy -- spooky, scary, halloweenish even. You've got that eerie music playing in nearly every scene, even when one of the main characters announces that he has to go to the bathroom and cracks a joke. People jump out of corners to announce that they brought the hot dogs, giving me coronaries and making me just the tiniest bit jumpy for the duration of the show. Once the sun sets, I can no longer watch your show for fear of calling forth the demons through the TV screen. Yes, really.

So, my dilemma. I like the show a lot, probably because I'm just a little nerdy, although you probably couldn't guess it from my extended and embarrassing childhood description beginning in the second sentence. I'm fascinated in the whole magic, witchcraft, good vs. evil thing (again, probably more than a little evident). I just need you to back off the eenciest bit on the violin-screech nervousness that's infusing the show. As it is, I'm trying to decide how to fool the Wendigo prowling underneath my bed when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee.

Any suggestions? No, really. Help.

Your Consumer,
Dean

Things I Want NEED

Apple, for the billionth time since the release of my so dear, so ancient iPedro, has blown my mind. In addition to the still-fresh Nano, a new iPod has been announced that plays videos, washes your dishes, and can babysit your children. Well, just about. Apple's really on the ball with their mp3 players, and has definitely been listening to consumer demands and providing accordingly. Bill Gates, you held my heart captive for so long, and I have been freed. I'm about seven seconds short of shaving my head and preaching the Good Word of Mac to all around.

My mind is also still reeling that this is my THIRD post for the day. Katie Holmes is pregnant with Tom Cruise's baby and I'm tri-posting. Apocalyptic signs abound.

Fametracker

In addition to all of the other wonderful links provided by yours truly at Alteredtext, including my stud boyfriend's poetic musings, please check out the new link for Fametracker. Funny, funny, funny, sides ache, laugh out loud, good good stuff. It's the Onion on celebrity watch.

The Endless Weight

While I was home in September, Travis introduced me and my extra 20+ Spain Pounds to the Abs Diet. A staunch acolyte of the Carbs Are The Devil trend, I was horrified to see forbidden fruits, breads, and ilk floating around his apartment. You can't eat those and get skinnier! Gasp gasp. Shock. Anyways, the abridged version is that I've been on the diet since I got back to Spain and my belly is shrinking away. This is just about the best thing I can think of right now, as I was almost forced into wearing maternity pants and carrying around the big book of baby names. No really, I've gained that much weight. Suffice to say, it's been nice to watch my gut go in the opposite direction, inward not out.

The good thing about the diet -- the book prefers to call it a "lifestyle regimen" and I have unfortunately found myself voicing that same phrase to friends -- is that it wants you to get healthy; gone are the days of sitting around watching TV and losing weight because you're starved for JUST.ONE.FRICKIN.SLICE.OF.BREAD.PLEASE. Following the book's every notion to the letter, I've joined a gym. Now, regular gym attendance hasn't been part of my modus operandi in a few years, so I'm admittedly a little out of practice; but the disconcerting thing is that I am in all likelihood the most overweight member of the gym. Not that I think I'm a complete tub of lard or anything, but really, it's me and the beautiful people working their abs. I guess the positive spin is that I'm far from bored while people ogling. I've actually invented a new game which involves picking what I want my future, sixpacked self to look like. It's like grocery shopping: I'll take a sixpack of the abs, a pair of calves, and two nice, rounded pectorals.

Hoi. Hoi. Har. Har.

Even though I poke fun of how you always laugh at your own jokes, it's because you always know how to make me smile. You are gray-sh.

(Sorry for the very inside jok-iness of this post)

A Little Secret

While fixing my hair in the mirror I suck in my cheeks just a little bit, posing for my own imaginary photoshoot.

Ay Papi

salivation.

Back To Business

I arrived in Spain jetlagged and suntanned from my time in the States, and was immediately greeted by friend Jerritt, who had come to visit for a week. The next few days were a whirlwind of exhaustion and tourist sights for me, but altogether extremely fun. We went to the mountains and Toledo, and toured Madrid so much I felt like I don't really know the city I live in. It's always a bit unusual to show someone around a city that you're comfortably numb to; you inevitably begin to see it through different eyes.

Jerritt left on Monday just as I began my new and final schedule at work. This schedule, bought after a year of hard work and tears in class, is quite possibly perfect. Of course, I had to do a bit of haggling after realizing that the initial version of the schedule did not actually have the 20 hours on it that I requested and that I had been given an 8:00am class that put me into 25 hours. I got that class removed yesterday and smiled with satisfaction that this could, indeed, be the perfect final months in Spain that I've hoped for.